I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
