Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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