So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
