remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
