Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
