so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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