he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
