im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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