you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
