Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
