He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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