when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
