I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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