Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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