1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
