I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
