i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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