I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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