I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
