Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
