God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
