I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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