Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
