chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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