Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
