So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
this is an emotional support booty call
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