Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
