obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
