so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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