who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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