people are starting to question the shark bite story
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
