If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
