Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
