She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When did angry sex become our thing?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
