hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Barsexuality is the new black.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
