I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
