Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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