I cockslap morals
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
