Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
