Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
this hospital has no fireball
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
