There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
