Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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