Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
