where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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