I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
