im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
