Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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