you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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