you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
