i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
