When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
