Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
