Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
