Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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