I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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