So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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