you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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