mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
