It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
