Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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