If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
