Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
