We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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