#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
