I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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