I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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