Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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