The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I intend to get homeless drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
