I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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