Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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